How to change an unconscious act into a conscious one?

What is an unconscious act? An act which is a result of our reflex reactions is called thus. We have been conditioned in a particular way, and therefore we react based on that conditioning. We don’t even have to think about it, and we simply react. However, if we pause and observe ourselves, we will realize that the reaction was not really us; rather, it was our conditioning that reacted. For example, if somebody says something to us, we either react with anger or with a smile. It is an automatic, unconscious act. Most often, we are not even aware of our own reactions.

To be conscious of the act we are going to perform is to be aware of the situation, and to be an observer where we observe our own selves: how am I acting, what am I saying, am I hurting somebody…? By doing this, we don’t react; rather, we act. Instead of a reflexive action, we act with our conscious self. And unlike an unconscious reaction, we do not regret this later. When we react, the damage is done. And no matter how much we apologize or regret after reacting, it cannot be undone.

The thing about reacting is that whether it is positive or negative, to react itself is negative because when we react, there is no thought process to our actions. Instead, when we act, we think about what we want to do. Herein lies the difference between random thought and deliberate thought. For example, you are driving to some place and as you glance out of the car window, you see a mother putting her child on the school bus. That is all you see; you don’t even register it, you simply see it. But your mind goes back to when you were putting your own child on the school bus, maybe 20 years ago. And you think about how the child has grown up and doesn’t even have time to make a phone call to you anymore. By the time you reach your destination, you are depressed and you don’t even know why. One random sight of a mother putting her child on the school bus has taken you spiraling down. This is an unconscious reaction. You’ve seen something, you’ve picked up on that and you are spiraling down. However, if you are deliberate in your thoughts, then you will only think happy thoughts; you will enjoy the bond between the mother and child and stop at that. This is the difference between an unconscious act and a conscious one.